within lies

                 Hi, i come back with a very big and brave heart  after so many people crashed you down , can you find people that pretends everything is fine? cause I felt once, it was purely endureable pain. only God knows how i felt. People never tried to attempt failing you down, they never know you story and they think they have the right to judge you. people are so jealous of you, and yet I learnt the definition of  "jealous". I never started to trust people easily back then because of an incident, If you really curious of something , please directly meet her/him and dont try to make a nonsense statement, I would appreciate that if you understand enough .

      

       It was so pain to face these, facing these people faces' everyday , yet they are thinking they are good enough. people are so uneasy to see other's happiness, but why? eventho your own races ? what is really wrong with these people ? stop judging people, cause you dont know, i was getting fed up with these kind of stuffs. I was glad that I can face and stand still by my ownsellf, have you guys ever thought what i've been through with my life? all you guys can do is to complaining and that is your proffessioned of. 

         I've been through my life and it is hard, leaving a place that is unacceptable by almost people. They never thought that im going to leave , and can u even realise just because of a person, I left. I love my school, my friends , my teachers, but at the end I choose to leave, and if you want to know just because of a small matter, i take a decision to leave. am I sensitive enough yet? Im a very sensitive person so bear in my mind that I have feelings too.  but deeply inside my heart , I dont want to leave. it has been like my second home, and leaving is very the hardest decission , the day I left, they made my farewell and I cried hardly because I was the one and only who move on, can you ever imagine, I lost them , all of them, they cried on my leaving and I cant barely to watch them, they are like my everything, 

    I never thought that , my life would be like this, and yet you didnt know nothing and none of them so stop blaming on me, I also got my own problem, if you tried to make one, I'll move because of you. Please dont make me hurt again , Im tired of all these shits, and if you succeed to make one, I would like to say " thank you so much ". I own a vision but now, it was nothing ,I cried so hard that I couldnt make one, deep inside it was really hurt, can I crawl back from the beginning? can I rewind back ? It takes really a big spirits to get back up, and can you consider ? If you are a human , I begged to you please understand me. 

Ya Allah, please strengthten up my strength , to stand alone, to face these alone. 

2013 an arduous year but in the end, It was a remarkable

       Hi peeps, okey its quite a long time i never been blogging with full of expressions since perhaps one year ago, as you know, i was quite busy with examinations and all that stuffs. Today, I will be blogging again as usual, haha. It was an exordium tho. Okay , We shall begin.

 

 

 

     Life is full of tastes; sweet, bitter, salt and sour. Different people different taste of life. A few people think their life are full of sweets theres shall no taste of bitter in their life. perhaps they are wrong. Okey shall we begin how was my life,

 

 

      This year 2013 was a really an arduous and tough one. To be honest, I wasnt able to endure it because it was really painful inside deep bottom of my heart. People that I used to be hang around never knew even the love ones how painful I was on these 365 days.

 

 

    I started 2013 with a really bright day, Alhamdullilah, today I am alive and I am healthy. A few people manage to cherish my day and I tried my best to keep it constant ,never left them behind. It was really a glorious day for me, I was happy and I wish that today will be ever the same as the others days.

 

    But, we as humans never escape from mistakes, because a mistake probably it will change the whole thing. I was very weak and indescribable, I felt that my legs couldnt walk any longer. I was lost hope, I though it will be my last journey, I felt a very big humongous rock heap me.

 

 

 

 

       A mistake is like a humiliating all of my careers, I tried my best to achieve everything. struggling to be the best among the best. It was not easy to climb the highest the mountain.

 

 

 

      Alhamdullilah , trusting Allah would not make the mountains smaller, but will make climbing easier, Do not ask him for a lighter load, but ask him for a stronger back. I ask Allah for forgiveness and be a strong girl facing these obstacles. I was very grateful to Him, He is the one and only reason why I am still here. Eventhough, many people tried to fall me, I will never ever give up and lost hope. Can't you just imagine, I was so pain and I couldn't share or express these to anyone, I prayed and to Allah, theres a place where can I express these feelings, It was really painful ,I felt that I wanted to tatter my heart hardly because I dont have anyone to share these things, I have friends but they won't understand instead laughing at me, nobody would understand these, I cried so hardly everynight, wondering what would happen to my life on the next day. sometimes, scared to face everything on the next day.

 

 

 

      I wished that the world would stop for a moment and I can vanish mistakes, but aint theres no such thing exist in the world. It only does exist in fairy tale. How foolish I am, I was suffering very-very suffering and wished that I could stop school, but as soon as I thinked carefully maybe theres miracles behind these everything. It was true. Alhamdullilah, I faced them strongly, ignoring them who tried to fall me apart, I always highlated my kim hyun joong , he said : You only live once,  If I fail now, I will never reach my desires. He was true.

 

      It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small, and the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all, up here in the cold thin air where I finally can breathe, I know I left a life behind but I'm too relieved to grieve

 

 

 

 

    I dont know why could these people really , i mean really hated and mean so much to me since the mistake appeared,

 

 

 

     " Why you guys are so not satiesfied ?  You know what these people doesnt give up falling me apart, Was it didnt enough tried to humiliate me infront of all people? Aren't you tired  destroying my future? Aren't you enough to break my heart till pieces ? What do you want from me? You want to see me touched the ground? Cried till my teardrops changed into blood? What the heck do you want ?!!! Are you happy now, to see me cried blood tears, people laughing in my mind ? You can smile, laugh now but wait till I changed the world soon, because you may stressed, depressed to see me in glorious days, just wait for the day cause you may suprise and I'll have my revenge on you. Wait and see. "

 

because Allah accept the prayers of his servants who oppressed.

   One day, I'll prove to them that I could beat them, standing higher than them, making my parents proud, show to the world who you really are, I was really determined because I know they would never ever look me down, and the didnt know who really I am yet. The show is about to begin.

I ignored people who tried to fall me, because I will never ever surrender because I know theres a good time behind the pain and sunshine behind the rain.

 

 

 

        Alhamdullilah, with all of my point of perspiration had finally paid off. Thank you Allah for everything. MY WORDS WOULDNT BE ENOUGH. Finally, it was already proven on my graduation day. Thank you so much ya Allah, I am so grateful today and always. I was on the stage standing infront of the people, including my parents showed them that they cant let me down. It was a very remarkable day for me and for the others. I was also surprised as soon as the announced my name as a leadership figure. Ya Allah, I was very surprised and I was vague. I stand up from my seats, it felt like im the one and only in my mind and I heard the hall was full of spectators were claping their hands so loud, I just walked and saw a bright smile on my mum's face. I continued my steps stepped onto the stair and finally onto the stage, the claps were getting louder, I couldnt said anything, I was shocked. The whole audience were watching me, It was a really first time for me to recieve an award infront of the honored people and even the whole audience. My hearts beats so fast badly. Alhamdullilah, I was very grateful. I was very honoured.

 

This is not the ending of the story because I will end it up with more splashes of colours, I'll make it as a very meaningful life, This is the story of my life.

 

the day before PMR

 

             Hello, peeps. its been a while tho since I've done PMR examinations. as 98's I was one of the last PMR candidates, yeah teachers had put so much pressure on us, yes I was a bit stressed and depressed. Struggling the days im facing, I remember tho when teachers always made a countdown for PMR on every rollcall at morning, and the form three students would be like "

 

and i was like "


and we all like "


 we should ended up like this :



days by days, till a week until PMR and all like



cant you imagine the nights before one week of PMR, haha i remembered



and teachers were like



the closer the day, the more and tons of handouts we had ;



and alhamdullilah I was ready with my gun and I sharpened it neatly deeply, the gun is ready to shoot.

 

hehe, with all supports from my family,  Insha Allah I can do it,



I prayed to Allah , May Allah ease me answering the tests, Alhamdullilah, on the last day of papers, it was BAHASA ARAB , yeah you know, the nearer the examination done, the happier we are :



the moments were really magnificent, we were so happy, excited that time,It was undescribeable.
the next day, we were going home, and i  was so happy, lollllllllllllllllllz

 

AFTER FINISHED THE PAPERS, I WAS TAWAKAL AND HOPING FOR THE BEST FOR RESULT SOON,

 

Define the truth of Life.

  

               Once you begin your life, you'll find  out that it enchanches by yourself. How wonderful life is ? You start to learn many things, How things get started, how it begins, how it solves, anything, you will find yourself how to suit yourself with your own life. It just started, lets open a new chapter that we never been explore, right? Everything was wonderful like it never seen, you are just thinking that you can face it gently but my bad you are wrong. I thought that I can face my my life easily but in the middle, I was  heartbroken. I couldnt find my way.Everything was in a perfection but till then, mistakes are collide, I dont know why could it be a wrong step? or what? Now, I can see. Each peoples' choices are different.

 

 

          

 

        I was wrong back then. Obviously, you will be regret if you cant even get what you want. Making choices are hard to be honest than you ever you can think. Once, you taken the wrong step, forever you will be regret. I learnt that. If you choose it, try to face the music strongly. Never afraid of anything, Once you fall, remember try to stand up back.

 

                      

             There are just many obstacles that cross you which wont let you get through it. All you gotta do is to be strong. I thought  my life would be perfect, guess, myself being a spoiler in my own life. People just dont understand what I want. I thought it was a slightly mistake but people reconsider it as a hugely damn big mistake. I just dont get it, why, could reckless mistakes would appear. Can I refresh a new life? What a dreadful request. It wont ever be command like ever only dumb ass people would do that. I really wanted a naturally good life. Just getting jealous seeing peoples enjoying their lives . If I could have the machine time.  Definitely, I would like to rewind the time back and replace all of my mistakes. and open a new chapter of book. Getting through 1 year, 12 month, 360 days, is a very tough moments.  I just dont have mood to go school anymore. Can I just quit my school? Im tired of pretending to be good enough, It was  tiring. People might gave up on their lives. All they could just think are "die". Every people die but time arrange them, Dying is easier, Life is harder,  People like this got no point to live anymore. useless, pointless, aimless, etc. They got no point to live anymore. Waiting death only their hopes. Hating life desperately  temporarily. People around us are just so cruel, selfish . cant think their surronding,adapting their life to our life and try to observe it. They are just selfish. We tried to be good, but theres no point at all. Pretending to be good is my option to live, what a sick masochistic reason. After all these years, I thought my hard works are finally paid off. but I am nothing but a pathetic human trying to be reckless again and again. its like better to be evil, haha I cant define what is llife tho. Living is so hard ,Death much easier.

 

          Im just getting tired of being good human, a humanity person ,it just tiring. enough for this. im tired for hoping my wishes, because it just never going to happen at all. 

 

                                

                                                                                                sincerely,

                                 

                                                                                                   dreamcatcher.

broken wings.

    Hello, its been a while since I've seen you last. Lots or dozens people requesting me to keep blogging, I WAS LIKEEEEEEEEEE" MANN, BLOGGING IS LIKE BUHHHRING BUT THEN I WAS LIKE

                                   

    so let just get started, to be honestly, you know usually rules in school ; like modern gadgets arent allow to bring at school. like I care. haha. obviously, I used to blog in my phone thru memos. lol. just to make sure, that I'll be able to post them back at my home.Im a blackberry user but it does annoy sometimes and I hate it. 

                        

act like you're seeing this memo(s) in maa blackberry  haahha trolollllllllll:

7TH APRIL 2013

Sometimes, things arent going to stay or constant either remain the same cause one day they will leave us. things arent used to be. Get to know that concept clearly. *MOOD : DEVASTATING.

12ND APRIL 2013

Sometimes when we love someone, it just felt like a great feeling to be. But when we find out, the person that we loved for is ought to be with someone else. You felt like a big rock heap on you. what to do. Just accept the fate who you are :'( if its meant to be it will be. *MOOD : VERY DEVASTATING

30TH APRIL 2013

The day I felt sad it felt like a big hole punch on my chest. I felt like unproductive today. I think about love and academic , academic should be the main right? yeah we got money from job, try to reconsider back, which is the best for your ownself because your attitude creates your own future. *MOOD : RECONSIDERINGGG

                                         

3RD MAY 2013

When we like that person but that person doesnt know, we would be like. *can he reply my love back? *tolonglaaa :p bluekk . We might be shy. its common kann? haha LOL. felt that day, you always got chance to meet him. try to rememorise back the moment the way you look his eyes, the way he look your eyes, tragedicityyyyyyyyy. you would never ever ever forget that. *MOOD : HAPPY

         

22ND MAY 2013

LAST NIGHTT, DAYYYMM. was a very-very big tragedic happening to me, but does he is trying to avoid me or what?!  The way, I still remember when the moment he sit on my prettttyyy lil' beg, I was like "amboiii, cantikkknyaa mukaa kauuuuu" . but the statements in my head is that I hate him, but my heart clearly state the oppisite, confusing right -,-

        

26TH MAY 2013

YEAH TODAY THE DAY WHERE THE SUMMER STARTS OR JUST ABOUT TO BORNN, to like someone its not an easy start as it took a really really serious step, I liked someone and *obviouslyy, lumrah manusia wehh suka ke tak. and then I thought it was a wrong a step.He never tried to look me or I am *perasantan xD whateverrr. But statements were wrong. soon , he revealed me everything, glad that he made it. sometimes, our expectation is not for real in reality. We dont need to be like Bella in twilight, Cinderella, or whatever to find the true one. It comes from your ownself. be confident. try to make your own story much better in twilight, cinderella or whatever.

because:

 

                                                                                                                                    your sincerely,

                                                                                                                                  dreamcatcherr xxxxxx

Life is not what we expected

   Life was known to be a very-very long journey, but we never thought that one day , theres something that could just interupt our destination where our dream may not be collide. its hard to express with the loves to tell them that we cant depend on them because we have our own aim. but for their sake, we have to follow them despite following our own dreams. life is just so hard. idk what to do now in the middle of nowhere. getting in the middle road with different peoples' . really confuzzle right? sitting here typing blogspot dreaming of future, like YOU CARE? . HOPING FOR THE BEST, MAYBEE? THERES NOTHING WITHOUT VENTURES. YEAHH (Y)

I WAS WITH EDWARD; FOREVER

 

 

TWILIGHT

 

And today, I would like to share about my feeling s acehhhh. Theres no way I wanted to express here. But mainly, I already fall in love with The Twilight Saga ouh yeahh

 

“In this tidal wave of happiness, the surest fact of all I was with Edward : Forever”

 

 

that’s the ending in the movie and so do the book. Bravo Stephenie Meyer , you really made an impressive story. Actually, I stared to find out Twilight when my father forced me to buy a book in malay version but suddenly my eyes focused on a book. “twilight”. I grabbed it. Lol till then, I read it but it was kinda boring,as I turned to page 2, I was felt asleep. Haha, and that moment I lost the book. But back then after 1 years, suddenly, I found it on a shelf so I wanted to re-read it. Then, as I turned to page 150 I was like “OMGG, I REALLY NEED TO WATCH THE MOVIE” and I never really to force to buy the dvd, and then theres one night where my father went out to buy some dvds so I asked him to buy twilight, I grabbed the dvd and put it on the dvd player.

 

           My butterflies on the stomach wont stop-stop. Twilight is the beginning where they met and fall in love. The day where the biology class, their eyes were contacted. MY HEART WAS LIKE BEATING SO FASTT, so charming Edward Cullen.

 

 

 

            And the next biology class, Edward introduced himself to Bella. *I was like, so sweeeeeet.

 

 

 

Edward: Hello. I'm sorry I didn't get the chance to introduce myself lastweek.I 'm Edward Cullen. You're Bella.

Bella: Um...yes.
 

 

*sweeet conversationnn., rightttt

 

 

                I like the part where “ I know what you are”. Edward : “say it, out loud, say it”. Bella:” you’re a vampire”. 

 

 

 

 

                So sweettttt, where “and so the lion fell in love with the lamb, what a stupid lamd, what a sick, machiostic lion” I was like how a human can fell in love with a vampire. But since Bella started to love him, every dangerous invites her in. then, Im looked forward to watch new moon. New Moon is like theres no way Edward leave herr, but he did. New Moon is the saga where Jacob interrupted theirs relathionship. Loll. But at the ending, Bella once said to Jacob “don’t let me choose,cause it will be him” . After then, I watched Eclipse, where Edward proposed Bella and she said “ I do”. Next on the breaking dawn part 1, it tells the couples at last, married, and Bella gave a birth. She was dying and Edward tried to save her but by this time, he bite her and the venom spreaded to all parts of the body. I was frightened, at the ending she opened her eyes and it was a pair of RED EYESS, obviously, she born to a new- vampireee.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bella : "My time as a human was over. But I’ve never felt more alive. I was born to be a vampire."

 

 

 

*she wasss the strongestt among the cullens trolol

               

 

so sweettt

 

 

       Afterr waited for a few months, I get the chance to watch The Breaking Dawn part 2, the epic finale. But this time, a movie. It was beyond amazing. Theres a fight where volturri wanted to kill renesmee Cullen as she is an immortal vampire but she wasn’t.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DAMNN, FREAK OUT BECAUSE WE BELIEVE ALICE’S VISSION WAS REAL THOUGH.

 

 

 

 

 

         Finally, Jacob found his mate, Edward’s daughter lol. But the ending was so touched, where the soundtrack a thousand years part 2 played, CHRISTINA PERRI WHY YOU MAKE ME CRYINGGGG, there’s a part where Bella tried Edward to remember all of their moments together, how they met and so on. I was crying in the cinema, very touched, till then, buhh bye twilight we will not be able to see again. Its over already.

 

 

 

 

     Twilight taught you how much boyfriend is important to you lol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Twilight really made the audience boosted. No more twilight, huahua. So sad so devastated. Edward Cullen is just so freakingg handsome, ahaha.

 

 

 

 

 

Since it been publicized , the whole fans started to dream out about vampires and really wanted to get a life like Bella Swan. Lol. Till then, buhhh bye.

 

 

 

xoxoxo